“Do you really like movies? When was the last time you saw a movie that really meant something to you?”

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The Canyons (2013) dir. by Paul Schrader 

Rating: 4/10

Okay so I really did watch this movie. I was actually kind of excited about it.

Then I realized my mistake after watching the movie. This is exactly the kind of trying to hard film that you would expect from the two people attached to this film. Bret Easton Ellis and Paul Schrader. They’re two fading stars, whose time in the limelight has long gone by. I wanted to see this because of how much I enjoyed the film ‘American Gigolo’ and books like ‘Less Than Zero’ and ‘American Psycho’, but I quickly realized that the movie was a disgusting attempt at making a comment on movies today with things that really shouldn’t be involved with films today.

There really is a way that this film could have been good. I swear, the concept is behind the crap this movie is, and if you look hard enough the theme that should have been there is barely visible.

However that doesn’t make up for how colossally crappy this movies execution was. First off, they should not have cast a porn star as their (basically) main character. I fully supported Lindsay Lohan being cast in this film because I do think she is a good actress and to be honest, she’s really the only good actor in the film. Although that’s not saying much.

The cinematography is wonky, the plot is weird, the characters are poorly developed and left me filling in holes myself just to make the movie bearable to watch.

The problem with this film for me is that I can see where it could have gone if it was properly written and made. If it had been there would be no doubt that this would be one of the most scandalous and talked about movies of the year.

However what I got (and mostly everyone else) got was a porno with an above average plot.

I wouldn’t recommend seeing this unless it’s free and you have NOTHING better to do.

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